The King of Euphemisms

Ricky Ponting has done it again – had a dummy spit.  Just a few weeks ago he put his bat through a TV set.  Yesterday he was churlishly hurling the ball into the ground after a minor collision with Steve Smith.  I was prepared to let this go unpunished until I read the apology.

I was gazing at the news screen in the lift this afternoon and noticed that Ponting had apologised.  I was pressed for time but I needed a laugh, so a quick Google found the apology.

“It wasn’t a great reaction I guess,” he said. “It was something that happened in the heat of the battle.  If it looked bad I apologise for it.”

Let’s break this down.  “Wasn’t a great reaction.”  Stop saying what it was not, Ricky and say what it was.  It was not many things, “great” included.  It was not appropriate behaviour for a national team captain.  It was not acceptable behaviour from a grown up.  I was poor behaviour.

“I guess.”  He guesses.  You should know it Ricky, so just leave that caveat out.

“Battle?”  No need to make the circumstances sound more serious than they really were, Ricky.  How about using the word “game” instead?

“If it looked bad…”  Ricky apologises if you thought it looked bad. Otherwise he doesn’t.  Ricky is going to let others decide if his behaviour looked bad enough for him to apologise.  Deary me.

I have reworded Ponting’s apology for him and will post it on his Facebook wall.

“My reaction was poor.  I let the tension and my personal doubts get the better of me and reacted badly.  I apologise to Steve Smith, who is still young, eager and impressionable.  I apologise to all cricket fans, especially Dongles, for my unacceptable behaviour.”

Consider that Ponting did his nut when there was a happy ending.  Nobody was hurt and he took the jolly catch.  Imagine if he had dropped it.  What would have happened to poor old Steve then?  Presumably, Ponting would not have been holding the ball, so he could not have hurled that.  I cast my mind back to a certain bar room brawl over a decade ago.

Cricket is a non-contact sport but sometimes collisions occur.  Ricky should think of Thommo and Turner, Tugga Waugh and Gillespie, Junior Waugh and Elliot and be grateful he was not hurt.  I don’t know if we should be grateful but them’s the breaks.

5 thoughts on “The King of Euphemisms

  1. yes, or (and i’m not sure how the draw works) they could meet england in the quarters who just want to go home, pakistan who throw the semi for rupees and then play south africa in the final….welcome home king ricky.

  2. It shows what a mental state of decay the guy is in. His personal form sux and he knows his team is doomed the minute they play a decent team on a turning track. Could be the quarters and if not, certainly the semis.

  3. nice one, nice one. but dongles you forget what a vital clash this match was….understandably tensions would have been on knife-edge…..

    nice reminder re the bar room brawl by the way. i’d almost forgotten that, basking as i have been in the warm glow of ponting’s subsquent statesmanship.

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